Have you ever worked for someone that just seems to love the sound of their own voice. They will call a management meeting, that should last at best 25 minutes and 90 minutes later your thinking of ways you can kill yourself just so you have an excuse not to be there. Worked for a women like that once.
Or what about the sales person who won’t BE STILL. They just won’t stop trying to sell you. You have already said yes inside, you just can’t get the yes outside, because of the noise. Didn’t buy a truck off that guy.
It is not a gender general deal, it is a person deal.
I have found that one of the most UNDERRATED and under utilized sales and management tools by both men and women in senior leadership is effective listen.
Whether it’s our spouse, our children, a sales prospect, or our boss, one of life’s great challenges is to listen well.
Often, we are tempted to just sit there and try and think about our response (or pretend your dying) next rather than listen.
Or, we believe we already know what the other person is going to say, so we simply interrupt or wait impatiently for our turn. Listening, really listening, with our whole being, is a skill and one of the most important compliments and gifts we could ever give to another person.
Here are 10 rules that I try and follow..why do I have rules on something like this..well you see I am that girl, I am that guy and I had to teach myself NOT to be. So you to can learn too!
1. Stop Talking!
I know sounds obvious, but you would be surprised how many people think this is a form of divine revelation.
You think chewing gum and rubbing your belly is tough, it is impossible to listen and speak at the same time.
2. Give the other person room and permission.
Put them at ease.
Give them space and time to speak their peace.
How we look at them, how we stand or sit, makes a huge difference, it says something about us and says something to them.
Relax, and let them relax as well.
Listening I have found not only makes my clients feel valued and understood, it stops me from imposing my own agenda on a situation.
3. Show the other person that you not only are listening, but you want to hear them.
Look at them.
Connect.
Nod when you can agree, ask them to explain further if you don’t understand.
Listen to understand their words, rather than just wait for your turn.
4. Be focused.
Remove distractions. Good listening means being willing to turn off the ‘white noise’, the clutter, mentally and physically and give the speaker your full attention, and let them know they are getting your full attention.
Barriers to focused listening can be emotional as well. Ensure that you are ‘present’ during your conversation.
Mentally focusing means listening without preconceived ideas, without interruption, without interference or assumptions.
5. Empathise with the other person.
Especially if they are talking to you about something painful or personal , or something you intensely disagree with, take a moment to hear what they are really saying.
6. Take a deep breath and be patient.
Some people take longer to find the right word, to make a point or clarify an issue. Give the speaker time to get it all out before you jump in with your reply. Remember you committed to giving them the gift of time, the moment the conversation started.
7. Watch your own emotions.
When we are angry, frightened or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said to us. If what they are saying creates an emotional response in you, pay attention to the intent of their words not just the emotion of their words.
8. Be very slow to speak and slow to anger.
Even if you disagree, let them have their say. Don’t respond with the same emotion that they have, because mirroring emotion leads to arguments, not resolution. Value them more than value ‘winning ‘.
9. Ask lots of question.
Ask them to explain, to clarify, to say more, to give you an example. This will help them speak more precisely and it will help you hear and understand them more accurately.
10. And for those that didn’t hear it the first time….STOP TALKING!
The old observation that God gave us two ears and only one tongue, for a very obvious reason, still holds true. He wants us to listen twice as much as we talk.
